


Atonement

by theDah



Series: Tumblr prompts / events [7]
Category: Rurouni Kenshin
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-08
Updated: 2018-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-14 09:36:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16910484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theDah/pseuds/theDah
Summary: Staring at the long, slowly healing wound on Kenshin’s back, Megumi realized she utterly despised his idea of atonement.





	Atonement

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Women of Rurouni Kenshin Week 2016, published in Tumblr at the time and now finally cross-posted here. :)
> 
> Women of Rurouni Kenshin Week, Day 2 - Megumi  
> Prompt: Atonement  
> Characters: Megumi Takani, Kenshin Himura  
> Setting: Canon, Anime episode 62  
> Word count: 1184  
> Notes: Thank you @chierafied for fixing my grammar mishaps. As always, your help is invaluable. <3

Staring at the long, slowly healing wound on Kenshin’s back, Megumi realized she utterly despised his idea of atonement.

The cut ran all the way from his right shoulder to his left hip, and had there been even a little more strength behind the blow, it would have damaged his spine and he would have never walked again. Or, in a far more likely scenario, that boy killer Soujiro would have killed him and Sano right there, in the bowels of Mount Hiei.

Just because of his atonement, his desperate need to save everyone, no matter how lost they were… he would have died there.

Megumi looked aside, rummaging through her medical supplies. “It looks like the wound on your back is all right now. But I’ll change the bandage to be on the safe side.”

“Thank you very much.” Kenshin murmured quietly.

“Oh no, it’s all right.” Megumi struggled to gather her professional poise once more. With firm, efficient movements she pressed the clean cotton cloth to his wound and tied it in place with the strips of bandage around his torso. The mural of old scars and hues of blues and yellows of the newer, barely healed wounds marred his pale skin everywhere her eyes wandered.

Her heart ached at the sight. “However, if you get another bad wound like this… I won’t help you.”

“This one will be careful, that he will.”

_Liar!_

Megumi closed her eyes, the bitter knowledge squeezing her heart.

If he was needed again, if someone like Shishio rose to threaten the carefully crafted peace… if someone, anyone, would get in trouble and he could do something to stop it, Kenshin wouldn’t even hesitate to make the same choices again with no thought to his own well-being. That was the kind of man Kenshin Himura was: solid, consistent, reliable and kind to a fault.

_And it’s me who will get to parse him back together._

In his kindness, he truly was the cruelest man she had ever known. Vicious tempers and malicious words she could have fought against, repelled or endured as need be. Those kinds of men she knew how to handle, but Kenshin… his kind eyes and gentle manners pierced right through all her defenses. It was utterly unfair.

Exhaling deeply, Megumi pressed her forehead against the nape of his neck, the one spot in his body where she knew for sure her touch wouldn’t pain him.

“Miss Megumi?”

His soft, red hair tickled her nose as she breathed in his scent. The sweat of the pain he hadn’t been able to hide and a hint of the laundry soap mixed together with something far more subtle, the scent of a man. Megumi impressed it to her mind, right among her most cherished memories, her family, her childhood friends, her first lover…

Yes, he was alive. He had pulled through impossible odds and was healing without complications. It was the best she could do for him.

_It has to be enough._

Yet, what would stop this from happening again and again?

_Nothing._

_Nothing at all,_ Megumi gasped, the pain in her chest flaring, sudden and cutting as if someone twisting a knife in her heart. Gathering all her bitter pain, she sharpened her words until they would hurt him just as much as her.

“Is my atonement to watch people I care about getting hurt?“

He tensed, but didn’t say a thing.

_So like him._

He was too honest to give her excuses, to deny the truth they both knew. His sins weighed on his heart even now and trying to save lives, to protect the happiness of the people around him was his only way to keep them at bay. His atonement, the very same idea he shared with her… it was a terrible, terrible burden.

Yet for all the lives her opium had taken, for the crimes she had committed, her guilt could barely even scrape the surface of his.

No, there was nothing, no painful, angry, manipulative or loving words she could say to deter him from this terrible path. Megumi swallowed, squeezing her eyes shut. “I’m sorry. I, I… understand. Please, pardon me.“

She straightened, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. She had shed no tears, something she was bizarrely glad of. It was better this way, a cold witch like her shouldn’t cry no matter how much she hurt.

He shrugged on his kimono and turned to look at her. His eyes held terrible sympathy. "Miss Megumi…”

”Please, don’t—” Megumi said curtly, stalling his condolences with one wave of her hand. She packed up her supplies swiftly and rose to her feet. “If there is nothing else, I have other business to attend to.”

“The rest have healed well. They can wait for later, that they can.” Kenshin climbed to his feet as well, slipping his sword into his sash. He nodded at her. “Thank you Miss Megumi, for your expert care.”

Megumi inclined her head and left.

The hurt in her heart was spreading, weighing her every step. Tiredly, she made her way downstairs, noting how Kaoru and Yahiko were loitering in the common room, eagerly waiting for news.

“Kenshin is healing well.” Megumi told them matter-of-factly, trying to dodge their curious gazes. The last thing she wanted was to be caught by their questions. No, she needed to get away and clear her head somewhere private.

Thankfully, Kenshin had followed her down.

The second Kaoru saw him step into the common room, her face lit up like the dawning sun and she gasped, “Kenshin!”

Seeing her rushing at him, and him smiling… oh, it hurt. It always did, yet, an almost perverse satisfaction followed that pain. Megumi had long since realized he would never want her and she had accepted it, truly.

It was better this way.

She was a woman past her best years. Her past was stained with crimes and terrible mistakes. At this point, she no longer even consider marriage to be a realistic option for her. It was fine that he smiled at the young, honest and upright Miss Kaoru Kamiya.

Kenshin was explaining something to Kaoru, while Yahiko followed their exchange eagerly. Megumi could neither see Kaoru’s face nor hear their words… and still their affection was as clear as day. It was all in Kenshin’s eyes, his smile, in the ease he felt in their company.

 _No, it’s not just affection… he loves her._ Megumi realized, and somehow, the knowledge soothed the pain in her heart. It didn’t hurt to watch them, because…

_If he loves her, then he will want to come back to her. No matter the weight of his guilt, his atonement… if he has a reason to keep living, he won’t risk his life so foolishly anymore._

Megumi’s eyes misted and she turned around, walking out of the door into the sunshine. Blinking dazedly, she reached to touch the wetness flowing down her cheeks.

_…I’m crying._

She smiled.

_Yes, it will be all right. I’ll make sure of it._

**Author's Note:**

> I admit, I have always loved the short intro of anime episode 62. Not only Kenshin is shirtless, the intro shows very well how complicated and deep Kenshin’s and Megumi’s friendship runs. So, here is my attempt at extending it.
> 
> Also, I might add that I love Megumi. 
> 
> She is a wonderful and complicated character. In this story though, I tried to explore her character, how her inner feelings might differ greatly from the witty exterior she displays. Hopefully, it didn’t come off as ooc.


End file.
